Hilchos Teshuva (2:1) - Late is Not as Great

~Thoughts on Mishna Torah~
Hilchos Teshuva

Perek 2 : Halacha 1

Late is Not as Great

Co-authored by: Yehuda Feinberg and Daniel Listhaus

אי זו היא תשובה גמורה זה שבא לידו דבר שעבר בו ואפשר בידו לעשותו ופירש ולא עשה מפני התשובה לא מיראה ולא מכשלון כח כיצד הרי שבא על אשה בעבירה ולאחר זמן נתייחד עמה והוא עומד באהבתו בה ובכח גופו ובמדינה שעבר בה ופירש ולא עבר זהו בעל תשובה גמורה הוא ששלמה אמר וזכור את בוראיך בימי בחורותיך ואם לא שב אלא בימי זקנותו ובעת שאי אפשר לו לעשות מה שהיה עושה אף על פי שאינה תשובה מעולה מועלת היא לו ובעל תשובה הוא אפילו עבר כל ימיו ועשה תשובה ביום מיתתו ומת בתשובתו כל עונותיו נמחלין שנאמר עד אשר לא תחשך השמש והאור והירח והכוכבים ושבו העבים אחר הגשם שהוא יום המיתה מכלל שאם זכר בוראו ושב קודם שימות נסלח לו

The רמב''ם explains in his first הלכה of 'פרק ב the characteristic of one who is considered a person who does תשובה גמורה and how a person knows if it is real. He says any person who committed an עבירה and did תשובה, and then, if put in the same scenario that caused him to do the עבירה in the first place, he does not transgress the עבירה again because he did תשובה (not because he is scared or physically weak) that is the tell-tale sign that his teshuva was real and complete. 

The רמב''ם gives an example where if ח''ו a person engages in prohibited relations with a woman and then he does תשובה for it. If they somehow come across each other again and he is alone with her and he desires her just as much as he did before and he holds back, he is considered a real בעל תשובה. 

Obviously, one should not test oneself by putting himself back in the situation and we indeed daven every day for Hashem to protect us from nisyonos (challenges). At the same time, this is the mentality we must have when doing teshuva – that we plan on holding ourselves back in the future for the reason alone that we decided to do teshuva and become closer to Hashem, not merely because the desire is no longer of interest or there is embarrassment of being found out by friends.

However, as important as it is to keep this lofty goal in mind, it is just as important to recall as the רמב''ם mentioned in his last פרק, that there are many levels to תשובה. Steering away from averios even if selfishly motivated to do so, is still a step in its own right and better than one who continues doing the aveirah. We are human and cannot expect to be able to achieve high levels in one jump, but one who bears it in mind when repenting even shelo l’shmah, he will be eventually reach the l’shmah level.

The רמב''ם continues and writes that another aspect of תשובה גמורה is doing teshuva right away or at least close to the time that the aveirah was committed. If a person waits to do תשובה until he is old and incapable of recommitting the עבירה he once was able to transgress, he is still forgiven but by definition the teshuva is not as meaningful because at that point it is easy to feel remorse. Therefore, in this case the person could not be considered as doing תשובה גמורה. For example, a person who lies on his deathbed thinking back on his life and sincerely regrets the averios he did, and does a vidoy and teshuva, as loved as this is by Hashem and as amazing it is to be able to come to the realization before death and appear to his yom ha’din with a forgiven slate, it still does not constitute the elite level of תשובה גמורה. 

May Hashem help us realize our mistakes so that we can do תשובה right away while the עבירה is still fresh in our minds and capacity, and not to wait until it is too late.